So
much of the conversation about pre-exposure prophylaxis
(PrEP) has been reduced to
labeling the people taking PrEP (“Truvada whore,” and more) instead of listening
to them. Queerty wanted to get past those labels, so we spoke to five gay men
on PrEP about why they chose to take a pill to
prevent HIV infection — and their thoughts on the debate about it and the
changes in their sexual lives that it inspired.
Read their candid views and tell us if you agree in
the comments section.
Blake Rowley, 28
Blake debated whether or not to take PrEP, but
kept returning to one fact: He’s a gay black man living in Washington,
D.C., a city with a very high level of HIV infections.
Related Post: Ten
Of The Sexiest Gay Men Living With HIV
“My
likelihood of having a sex partner who is positive, knowingly or unknowingly, is
astronomical,” Blake told us, pointing out that young gay black men account for
much of the increase in new HIV infections. Studies indicate that, although
black men are more likely to use condoms during sex, the high incidence
infection among black men who have sex with black men means they are more
likely to come into contact with the virus than white men.
“I
had to confront realities about myself,” said Blake, who serves as chair of the
Young Black Gay Men’s Leadership Initiative, “including my race, my age, my
risks for HIV and how I like to have sex. Particularly if I want to keep having
what I define as great, fully satisfying, roll-over-and-smoke-a-cigarette
unencumbered sex.”
Blake
chose PrEP two years ago because he was “exhausted” from the mental gymnastics
of sero-sorting (having sex only with those who share your status), and adds
that “even as a top, that’s not foolproof.”
“PrEP
allows me to have the sex I want to have without the risk of contracting HIV. I
can, with almost 100 percent assuredness, put behind me the fear of contracting
HIV due to a casual hookup or a long term relationship gone sour.”
Blake
has no interest in fanning the flames of the condom debate. “Condoms still work
and if they work for you, get on with your life,” he said. “But PrEP is another
option to prevent HIV, and it’s the one I choose.”
Damon Jacobs, 43
If you google PrEP and gay men, chances are you will
end up with an article by Damon Jacobs, and probably a photo of him wearing a
“Truvada Whore” or “PrEP Warrior” T-shirt — or less (see above). The New York
City therapist embraces his role as one of the most visible PrEP advocates on
the scene even if it means talking about his most intimate habits.
“I
started PrEP in 2011 because I wanted to maximize pleasure,” Damon told us. “The
experience has resulted in feeling more peace of mind and sexual confidence than
before.”
Damon
isn’t afraid to speak up about the importance of pleasurable sex for gay men and
our right to have it. “Most of us are seeking ways to experience maximum
pleasure with minimal risk,” he said. “If we ignore pleasure, we are doing our
community a huge disservice. Why do we still have new HIV infections in 2015?
Because fucking feels good.”
Just
acknowledging that we want sex to feel great is something Damon believe can move
us forward. “When we start from there,” he said, “then we can discuss ways that
sex can also be healthy, responsible, and empowering.”
Mathew Rodriguez, 26
Mathew, a journalist from Queens, NY, has a very
personal reason for doing everything he can to remain HIV negative. He lost his
father to AIDS, which “affected my family deeply,” he told us.
Mathew
has been on PrEP for the last year. He started because he was in a
non-monogamous relationship with someone who began PrEP himself. When they broke
up, Mathew continued using the drug.
Just
don’t mention the whole “Truvada Whore” meme to Mathew, who isn’t having it. “I
don’t identify with the term,” he said, “but I do wish gay men in general had
more open conversations around pleasure and the ways we make love to each
other.” He believe that PrEP has at least started a conversation about how gay
men want to have sex and why.
“Fucking
is fun. It is a tactile experience that carries spiritual, mental and emotional
weight. I say it’s tactile because it’s skin on skin, plus fluids. PrEP has
allowed people to return to cum as a meaningful part of sexuality, not an alien
substance to be feared. PrEP has allowed me to have someone look into my eyes as
he was on top of me, inside me, and for us to connect in a way that carried
emotional, intergenerational weight. PrEP has meant that I don’t have to live
what I’ve called ‘the life of the gay statistician.’ What’s the chance that the
semen permeated the skin of the condom? What’s the chance I contracted
something? What’s the chance that my cough is seroconversion flu?”
Tom Butcher, 53
Starting PrEP just one ago, Tom was initially nervous
about the drug and reached out to online PrEP
groups for information and
support. After a few days of side effects (“I was dizzy and kind of foggy,” he
told us), Tom feels fine and is headed for a follow-up visit this week.
“I
came out in 1984 and lived through the very darkest
days of the epidemic,” Tom said. “It scarred my soul.” His trauma from those
early years also kept Tom from getting tested very often, something being on
PrEP will change. Getting regular blood work to check for side effects, HIV and
other STI’s is a part of being on the drug.
Tom
works in New Haven, CT, as a project director for HIV support services, and his
friend and colleagues have been completely supportive. He is aware of the
personal criticisms that occur online, though, and he is braced for it.
“I
am human,” Tom said. “I am a sexual being. I make mistakes in all other realms
of my life. Now I am empowered to take control of my life and my health. My fear
has been replaced by being empowered to take care of myself no matter what a lab
test shows. With PrEP the likelihood of infection is drastically reduced.”
Ney Enrique, 36
Ney started using PrEP six months ago, and came to the
prevention strategy by way of his art. The multi-media storyteller from Wilton
Manors, FL, was producing a documentary abut PrEP and found the evidence so
compelling that he started taking it himself.
“Of
course, I studied up on it beyond the documentary,” Ney told us. What he found
out has made Ney an outspoken fan. “I think everyone who is sexually active
should be on it if they are not monogamous. It should be a global strategy but
we, as PrEP users, have to advocate for it.”
The
fact that doctors themselves are often not educated about PrEP frustrates Ney.
“Medical providers are the first ones to ignore what PrEP is about,” he said,
“so it is logical that patients don’t know about it or they feel afraid about
it.”
Ney
adds that, while some gay men he knows are curious to find out more about PrEP,
“others put us under the same HIV
stigma umbrella,” as if being
on PrEP makes him more of a risk to them instead of less.
For
more personal stories from gay men on PrEP, check out My PrEP
Experience
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