one liners for the end of September jollies

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"? 

Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all? 

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? 

If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages? 

Would a wingless fly be called a walk? 

Me and my recliner - we go WAY back. 

Is a shell-less turtle homeless or just naked? 

Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny? 

Why use sterilized needles for lethal injections? 

What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

 
Change is inevitable except from vending machines. 

Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow. 

Always try to be modest and be proud of it! 

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. 

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way. 

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. 

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism. 

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. 

No one is listening until you make a mistake. 

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view. 

The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it. 

Originality is the art of concealing your sources. 

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. 

All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy. 

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.