Irony Alert: Glenn Beck Says ‘Noah’ Movie Contains ‘Dangerous Disinformation’ (Video)
by Richard Rowe
Yes,
in a world where we've just observed the wave-form lensing of cosmic
microwave radiation as a result of gravity ripples from the creation of
the universe itself, religious nuts are already losing it about a
Hollywood movie whose main character is a 950-year-old drunk who
survives a flood by putting a pair of platypuses in a giant boat, and
then proceeds to expose his junk to his son so the bearded guy who
caused the flood would make a rainbow and promise never to do it again.
That
sounds like either a huge hit of acid, or a huge hit of a
movie...especially among Golden Tablet types like Glenn Beck. And you'd
think that they've be flocking to it in droves, not least of which to
see Russell Crowe exposing his junk for rainbows. But you'd be
wrong. After some early screenings, word has gotten out that confirmed
atheist Darren Aronofsky's (Black Swan) film takes a few artistic
liberties with that robed fellow we all saw in our COLOR ILLUSTRATED!
Bibles.
In
perhaps one of the greatest displays of irony of all time, Glenn Beck
(who hasn't seen it) is already warning his lion-herding followers to
beware of (deep breath) "dangerous disinformation" in Aronofsky's
telling of Noah. He even likens it to Oliver Stone's "disinformation
campaign," a CIA psi-op called "JFK." Said Beck:
[box type="shadow"]"If Noah becomes
“successful” with church groups lining up to see it, as the producers
no doubt hope it will, Beck warned that “our children will look at that
at being the Noah story… They will believe this version over the version
that Mommy and Daddy are telling them, or that old Dusty Bible is
telling them, because it will come alive in their imagination.”[/box]
Yes...you
just heard Glen Beck saying that just because you see things on the
screen (like chalkboards), that doesn't mean they're to be believed just
because some idiot left a camera running in the wrong end of the psych
ward. Buy the book!
But
what, you may be asking, are Glen and the rest of our tablet-decoding
friends taking such issue with? They haven't even seen the movie
yet...so what could be so horribly innaccurate about "Noah" that it
represents "dangerous disinformation" about an event that probably
didn't happen (except to Gilgamesh, obviously, from whom the Bible's
writer clearly ripped the Noah story off). No, it's not that God didn't
create gingers, and wouldn't have allowed Emma Thompson to survive the
flood.
Turns out, it's...environmentalism.
Yes,
in Aronofsky's telling, it's not just "sin" that causes God to destroy
the Earth. More specifically, it's the sin of mankind destroying the
Earth he created. In this telling, Noah isn't driven to herd animals
onto his ship so he can have a burger after shaking his talliwacker at
Ham while lit on wine. No, Noah and his family are more or less along
for the ride; the Ark is all about saving "the innocents" who were here
when the garden was created; those "innocents" being the animals
themselves.
Now,
you can see why this might leave a slightly less than rainbow-colored
stain on conservatives' underpants. After all, we can't have our kids
growing up thinking the environment MATTERS. They have to grow up
believing that God knows all and will will drown them for their sins,
that the Earth is doomed when He says so, so let's all dump coal ash in
our iced tea, and that all animals have rights...to garlic and butter.
As
though to drive it home, Jerry A. Johnson, president and CEO of the
National Religious Broadcasters, made his beef with "Noah" clear in no
uncertain terms to (surprise) Fox News:
[box type="shadow"]"...the insertion of the extremist environmental agenda is a problem."[/box]
Indeed,
we can see how that might be a problem in terms of properly
indoctrinating future Evangelic corporatists. Hell, already, barely half
of Millenials even believe in God, and not all of those believe in the
RIGHT God. If half of the ones who are left start thinking that the
environment matters, and that we have the power to save it...dear Jesus,
we may NEVER get the Keystone XL pipeline built!
All those beautiful tons of tar sands, just laying there in the ground, up in Canada...
...right where God put them.
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