[PLEASE, sit down before reading this! You may hurt yourself if not! PLEASE!) Palin Wonders If Flight 370 ‘Flew Directly to Heaven"

Palin Wonders If Flight 370 ‘Flew Directly to Heaven’

Mommie Dearest

Sarah Palin claimed today that Malaysia Flight 370 may have vanished because it mistakenly flew too high and ended up in heaven.

During her appearance on Fox News last night, Sean Hannity asked the former vice-presidential candidate for her thoughts about the aircraft, which has been missing for nearly two weeks.

The former Alaska governor stunned viewers with an unorthodox new theory that international investigators have so far ignored.

“I see all these smarty pants people on CNN saying that it was terrorism or a fire in the cockpit,” she explained to a bewildered Hannity, “but I don’t hear anyone talking about the God possibility. I mean what if they accidentally flew too high and go stuck up there?

“I’m no expert on international aviation. But I do know that God is up there looking down on us. And everyone knows that once you go to heaven you can’t come back. This would explain why we haven’t found any wreckage in the ocean and why no one saw the plane land.

"The radar had the plane at 45,000 feet, well above its usual cruising altitude. Who knows how much higher they went?

“Of course the looney liberal media can only imagine secular explanations for this mystery. They would never tell the American public that God might be involved! But I hope the the Malaysian authorities and the NTSB take a look at the facts and seriously consider the idea that this flight crossed into Christ’s kingdom and isn't coming back.”

Above the Clouds

Malaysia Flight 370 vanished without a trace on March 8 less than two hours into a regularly scheduled flight from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing. After an exhaustive search no sign of the aircraft or its 227 passengers and 12 crew members have been found.

Initial speculation centered on the theory that a sudden explosive decompression destroyed the Boeing 777 over the South China Sea. But a subsequent review of radar and satellite data revealed that shortly after contact was lost the flight made a drastic left turn and continued flying for seven hours.

The latest information seems to suggest that someone on the plane deliberately shut down its transponder and flew it off course. However, the uncertainty about the who may have done so and why has fed a wide range of conspiracy theories involving everything from the singer Shakira to aliens.

Palin seems to be the first to suggest, however, that there may be a supernatural solution to this puzzle and the bizarre idea proved too much even for the devoutly Catholic Hannity.

“You realize that heaven isn’t an actually in the sky right?” he pleaded. “The concept of heaven is metaphorical. Some people believe it’s in another dimension or in another universe. It’s not something you can just fly into.”

“Sean, I think it’s incredibly arrogant for us as humble human beings to claim that we know how heaven works,” Palin responded. “How do you know there’s not a door to heaven in the sky between Malaysia and Vietnam?”